30 Days til 30: Death Happens

So you know I’m blogging 30 Days til 30, if you don’t check out this post for more explanation so you know what I’m up too these days.

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But this thought was actually what sparked the entire 30 til 30 process.

My grandmother passed recently, as in last week recently, after a (mercifully) short battle with pancreatic cancer. If you don’t know much about the disease here’s the short version, a diagnosis with PC comes with a death sentence and usually its a painful one. Thankfully in the case of my grandmother, this was a fast passing. I know that’s morbid to some who are reading this, but the realist in me is incredibly grateful that one Monday I got a phone call with the diagnosis and the following Monday I was told to come home she wouldn’t make it through the weekend, and she didn’t. This disease is excruciating, I’ll spare you the details, don’t google them either, you’ll thank me later. I am so glad she did not suffer. So glad.

 

Death Happens.

When there is life so there must be death. And in order to truly appreciate life, we must also experience the pain of death.

People will pass in your life. They just will. And at 29 this passing was one of the handful of passings that have really hit home to me. It was my grandmother after all, the relationship between granddaughter and grandmother doesn’t get much more close…

So what will you do when death happens?

No one can say with certainty how they will react, we just cannot know that, but we can learn to accept death and not treat death as the enemy.

Throughout history death has been cast as a dark, scary, horrid figure who steals our loved ones without mercy. He isn’t so. Remember in Harry Potter when the old man greeted death as a friend? Death can be a friend, when we decide to treat him so.

Is this a touchy subject? You bet. Each person has their own opinions about death and their own reactions to death.

But listen well, death is not the enemy, and death will take more and more of our loved ones as we grow older, the difference in seeing death as the enemy vs. friend is how we respond. You can choose how to respond to the passing of a loved one. You really can. You can decide to come to peace with death, in time.

Let me clarify, IN TIME.

I did not accept immediately the passing of my grandmother, who could? I cried many tears, for two weeks I cried tears. Week one because I knew her passing was imminent, week two because she had passed. You MUST grieve. MUST. Non-negotiable, you must grieve. Grieving is normal and required as humans. Stuffing the emotions down and simply moving on is unhealthy and will lead to many problems later on. So grieve sister. Please. Allow yourself the time you need to heal.

But don’t build a house there. Don’t live there. Grieve and then find your peace. Peace is there to be found, you just have to look.

My peace is that the cause of her death was a disease without cure and that would have caused her the most immense pain but she was able to miss that pain and instead pass gracefully from this life. That is my peace.

You will have to find your own peace. I cannot tell you what that peace will be. And you know what, no one can.

Only you.

Countless (seriously so many freaking people) told me it would be ok she lived a long life and it was her time. Nope. No way. That was not my peace and wasn’t going to be my peace but still everyone wanted to tell me that….. come on people… length of life has nothing to do with it.

And people will tell you all sorts of things because the think it will help you. And because they have nothing else to say and we as a race cannot manage to just sit quietly with someone and help them grieve (another post for another time……….)

But you will find your peace, just look for it ❤

It is there. I promise ❤

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